I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
