There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
