Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
