"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
