So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
