so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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