Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
