i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
