3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
