i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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