Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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