fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
