There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
where are my eyebrows?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
