im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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