i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
