ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
