yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
