I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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