The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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