She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
