Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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