Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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