you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
