I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
