I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize