Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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