how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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