I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
