i jhust puked up my retainher.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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