He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just found puke in my bra..
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
