Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There's always time for handjobs
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize