We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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