Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Fuck appropriateness.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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