Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
