So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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