dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
