i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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