what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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