i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
