True but thats because hes a fetus.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
