don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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