my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he thought i was a dude.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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