Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
