Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
