do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i think i just lost a toe
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
