i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
