I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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