dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Bring me that man meat
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
