Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
