we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
