why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
