he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
