Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
