It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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