It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
