I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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