I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
