Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
