At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
