I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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