I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
