Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
