yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
