His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
