He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
