dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
