woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
