How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Someone signed my nipple.
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