After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
