Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
