did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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